Juniors Think They are Seniors, Act Like Sophomores

This year has arguably been the most eventful year thus far for the 2019 class. We have had many victories and also our fair share of losses as well. Nonetheless, we have made some unforgettable memories. 

Homecoming in itself produced some of the best and worst of times for boys this year. For Gibby “Mr. Steal Your Girl (Matthew Haley’s girl)” Gibson, it was most certainly the greatest night of his life. We are happy for the young boy Gibby, yet saddened with the significant loss that Matthew “Yard Work” Haley took as a result of Gibby’s successful night. For Tye “Jake” Herbstreit and Cole “Big Truck” Turner, the story was very similar. We don’t need to go into details on that one. The most important thing we need to acknowledge is that “Dirty” Sut, or Andrew Sutphin had a great night. He dubbed the night “The Best Homecoming in History.” It was not the same, however, for our Gentleman, Scholar, Athlete, Nikhil “Alex Massad” Peterson. He took his fair share of losses that October night and said that “my life is now over,” We are sorry to hear that such a fine young man had to deal with these issues. Joel “I got a 5 on the AP exam” Elasy decided to skip the night altogether and attend a Vanderbilt women’s basketball game. As always, William “Hammerhead” Wheeler took the record for the night with 76 Ls. This man obviously has his priorities straight. On behalf of the 2019 class, we would like to thank all those involved for a wonderful evening. 

WE GET IT: Many Juniors have reflected how hard it is to uphold some of the body images set by their classmates. PHOTO: Instagram

WE GET IT: Many Juniors have reflected how hard it is to uphold some of the body images set by their classmates. PHOTO: Instagram

As expected, Junior Class celebrity Garrett “No shirt” Murphy has continued to make headlines. We all know him as being a world class body builder, Grammy award-winning musical artist, and a national champion surfboarder. However, no one knew that he was a world champion marathon runner! As seen in his Instagram over the weekend, he competed in the annual Turkey Trot Marathon World Championships in Jacksonville, Florida. He approached the race and the officials told him he could not compete because he did not qualify. However, Mr. Murphy would not be denied and proceeded to take off his shirt. The race officials immediately changed their minds. They were so amazed with what they saw that they awarded him the top seed in the race, and as expected, he prevailed as the champion. Of course, following the victory, he posted a great shirtless Instagram photo including a #noflex. We are so proud of our leader. Along with his running abilities, Murphy also revealed to his millions of fans that he is now able to do a full backflip on the beach. A video of him achieving this feat could be seen via snapchat (add him @garrettmurphy1). We are excited to see what this man does next!

Following the colossal failure of the Sophomore class that was the “11-18”, DJ Drawgz, Pupil, and the entire Junior Class Events Committee is ready to get working on the highly anticipated 3-10 event in the Spring. Drawgz has promised that the upcoming event will be “The 408 on steroids.” Those are some strong words, but we do not doubt the man one bit. More information will be sent out about the event in the following weeks. I heard a rumor that there will be a live performance of “Spooky Special” by the anonymous new rap duo of the 2019 class.

We would finally like to give a special shoutout to Grant “Pearly Whites” Ellison for just continuing to look good every single day.