Juniors Surprise No One, Get Off to a Rough Start

Another year, and the “Ls” just keep coming for the Big Red juniors. We are yet to figure it all out. We have continued to cause issues throughout the school, even when we don’t mean to. 

Expect many upcoming bake sales as a result of recent events that occurred at the Father Ryan game. The rowdy student section inadvertently destroyed the visiting-team bleachers from a few weeks ago. Now, we need to raise money to pay for the damages we made on the bleachers. Bring money to school for upcoming bake sales at break and before school to support the cause. 

Recently, the Reference Room has not served to it’s full potential in 8th period study hall as a result of one student: Braden Myers. Braden’s notorious actions have caused many students to lose their privileges in such a great room. When asked about his punishment, he said, “Wait, what, when, where?” We love you, Brady. 

Garrett “AP Music Theory” Murphy is a great example of a student who has just gotten off to a rough start. According to shirtless Garrett, AP Music Theory is the “hardest class at MBA.” He has even cited complaints that the instructor forces him to keep his shirt on for the duration of the class. As many know, staying fully dressed has been quite a challenge for Mr. G. Thankfully, Garrett Murphy has made up for his AP music theory obsession by introducing a new surfboard class which has triggered a movement throughout the country. He has also been spotted at the popular restaurant, Cookout Grille, a record 46 times in the last 2 months. Grant “Neanderthal” Ellison is closely behind with 39. 

I believe now we may have set a new record for most fallen soilders in one class throughout this school’s storied 150 year history. We have had a myriad of students leave this institution by expulsion, but our most recent classmate, going by the name “Darren,” left the school by choice. His decision to join the Eagles shocked many across the school and left the 2019 class with mixed emotions. He is now the starting quarterback for the Eagles and a 5-star prospect in the 2019 class. How will the Big Red handle such immense talent? His former best friend, 

Brandon Myers, commented on this development, “I don’t really care.” Those are some bold words there, Brando. Fellas, some guys just can’t handle the Hill. 

Be on the lookout for the 3-10 event featuring the two most popular Nashville DJs, DJ Drawgz and Will “Pupil” Nahley. Joseph “Beegje” Stevens even said, “Ahh fahh this event will big uhhh bigger than the ahhh 408!”. Thank you to staff member Jackson Lyell for translating that last quote. But seriously, the 3-10 is set to break revenue records for an MBA event. The set list will be released soon. Be ready. 

As the weeks go on, we can only hope for improvement. Thankfully, Gibby “I can drive” Gibson and William “Lev Curdwall” Wheeler will lead us to victory.