Seniors Realize None of this Actually Matters

With the end of the semester on the horizon, it has become obvious that very few people still care about school. With the journey winding down, the senior slide is naturally ramping up. Although grades still technically matter until after Christmas break, this historic class seems to be embracing an early relaxation period. That is, everyone besides Jackson Abbey and the Latin V crew who never stop grinding. In other academic news, Professor has made his permanent mark as the wisest man on the hill. Keep up the intelligent work! In college news, 25 students applied early to UVA and around 10 did the same to Vandy. We are hopeful for all of the wishful applicants, but don’t get your hopes too high, as we know Jake McSween will be taking one of your spots if he has to implement his fallback option.

In the extracurricular realm, fantasy football crunch time is in full effect. The League of Zach’s Peps has seen its ups and downs with the Sacko still up for grabs. Another fun extracurricular activiy has been the weekly Taco Bell runs. Stephen Dashiff’s inability to resist the temptation of the Bell continually leads him to give in to the demands of others. Special thanks to Josh Morris and Evans “Watch Yo’ Mouf Now” Looney for always contributing to the cash fund at the family table. Considering sleep as an extracurricular, Ray Lee is blowing the field away. His dedication to catching the maximum amount of z’s possible, no matter the situation, is more than applaudable. We commend your efforts, Ray.

DRESSED FOR SUCCESS: Thomas Carr poses in his nightgown, ready to study for exams a full three weeks in advance. PHOTO: Thomas Carr

DRESSED FOR SUCCESS: Thomas Carr poses in his nightgown, ready to study for exams a full three weeks in advance. PHOTO: Thomas Carr

The senior class is, hands down, the most athletic class at MBA. From key football players, to stellar basketball players, to all-star bowlers Ben Coulthard and Trace Fontana, it is looking like MBA athletics may suffer next year. Fortunately, we do not care about next year and will continue our conquest for as many state runner-ups as possible. Not only are the senior athletes dominant at MBA, but they also thrive in the realm of churchball. Churchball has a similar magnitude as the varsity sports on the hill. With a few MBA senior teams easily the favorites for the title, the league should be in store for an exciting year ahead. 

On a serious note, we wish the football team the best of luck this weekend and want to encourage everyone to come out and support your fellow brethren. Roll red and be a rowdy gentleman.

We would like to conclude this class news by paying a special tribute to an undervalued member of the class of 2018. This comrade we speak of is none other than Cal Bryan. Day in and day out, Cal works his butt off, constantly grinding with the final goal of serving our country at West Point. Dilly dilly to you, Cal, for you are a true friend of the crown. Finally, a special congratulations to the Bend brothers for finally escaping the pit of misery. Dilly dilly to y’all as well!

P.S. Palmer Thombs is still the class stud. Good luck on exams, gents!