Sophomores Get Lost in a Forrest of Distractions

The beginning of the year brings great energy and masculinity. Such manliness brings Forrest Sutphin to feel that he must defend his honor, as a gentleman, and he proposes a fight in front of 1,300 people. Of course, when he shows up for the brawl with an unnamed opponent, Forrest is met by a scary defense system, and he flees, maybe or maybe not spitting on the ground as he drives away with his posse. Still needing to lay one on a junior, Forrest finds more success in the MBA student section, ruthlessly swinging and injuring a ‘19 on the bleachers.

This incident is not to be confused with the bleachers at Father Ryan, which suffered a season ending injury. Pictures of the damage are shown all over social media, and soon enough word goes around that the money is coming out of the class fund. The class fund? Which goes to what, exactly? Well, it’s hard to say, but all of a sudden the class officers feel a need to have an MBA record 800 bake sales in one quarter to help pay for the “The 18.” Just remember that all of the money goes back to you, so it’s in your own interest to bring in food.

Speaking of “The 18,” we have a lot of fun dances planned this year. Right around the corner is Homecoming, an event that should turn out to be a night of amazing memories with friends, just like it was last year. Homecoming is already proving to be slightly different this year. Rather than asking eight months in advance, Samuel Kirkpatrick instead decided to spend 8 hours making a poster. Speaking of posters, everyone seems to be making one this year. Whether they’re the most obvious puns involving the girl’s name or a box of Sour Patch Kids for how sour they would feel about getting rejected, the sophomores have been quite creative, original, and innovative.

The sophomore class is especially excited for the “The 18,” or is it the “11/11?” Or maybe the “10/7?” If you’re not sure, just show up to MBA on all of those dates, I’m sure you’ll find something fun to do. Also make sure to follow “The 18” instagram account, before it changes its username again.

Our esteemed classmate and colleague, William Sullivan, has departed from the Hill. Sully’s life on the Hill was eloquent, and we know that he is in a better place: New Hampshire.

We’ll be sure to work hard and play hard throughout this semester, not necessarily in that order and not necessarily both. We wish everyone the best of luck throughout the stretch to Fall Break.